Faith

(Heb 11:1) "What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see." Pay careful attention to the word "yet" here. Faith does not mean that we don't see things in their practical reality, as they are now. It does mean though, that we choose to not accept only that perspective and we also choose to believe for what something can be. The "yet" means that the thing that we are believing for in faith is not how it is right now, or at least not how it looks as of now. But, it can be and that is the point of believing, even when it seems impossible. What is the point of the Christian life without faith? It is empty; just another system and way of proving ourselves as acceptable to God.
But that was never God's point of getting through to us: He didn't choose a system to meet us, He chose a person instead. When we forget about the person of Jesus Christ, we forget about His sacrifice, and the point of life and faith altogether. It is not only difficult or challenging to please God without faith- it is impossible. Because without faith, we are depending upon our own good works and attitudes and behaviors. Yet, if we are depending on those things alone, then surely we will be condemned because not one of us can be without sin, and none of us can EVER follow the law to the last exact letter. So, why am I a Christian? Well, because of the meaning of that word itself, I want to be an imitator of Christ; I want to be accused of being a little Christ. Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many. I want to be like that. I want to sacrifice for others. I want to love. I would literally die and give up my life for people to know the purpose of theirs, to know Christ, but that is not necessary because Jesus already did that. So, I must live for Him. Not proving myself to earn my way to Him, but choosing to believe that He will do the work to transform me and use my life as I willingly submit it. I don't understand everything there is to understand about faith, but I do know that I would rather live with faith than without it. Faith makes me alive when the circumstances seem doomed. Faith encourages my heart when I don't have hope and don't believe for what I've prayed for. Faith the size of a mustard seed could move a mountain into the sea. Faith is honoring to God, it is taking Him at His Word.
2 Cor 5:7 "That is why we live by believing and not by seeing." There are many times when I don't "see" what I want to see, but that doesn't mean that God isn't accomplishing it for my good. Faith gives me the proof of what I, on my own, do not yet see.

Aloneness

Of all the things I hate feeling, this one tops the list: aloneness. I am a "close friends" person. I THRIVE on relationships. I adore my friends, and take the concerns of others to heart, and take them very seriously. I am a caregiver and a confidante. There is nothing that I enjoy more than connecting with someone deeply and having a life-transforming conversation. So, you can see why it is so hard when I get in a place of aloneness. It is the hardest thing for me to deal with, therefore, it is often what I need, because if not, I get too dependent on just going places and worrying about the problems of everyone around me, and I lose my focus on the MOST important element in my life: my relationship with God. "Why do I do the things I do? It's not even who I want to be! I find myself following all I want, and never the only One I need." I wrote those lyrics recently, and it's because I know my tendency to neglect Jesus, and I hate that about me! How many times do I have to hear this story?: Jesus is the VINE, I am a branch, APART from Him I can do NOTHING, I must REMAIN in Him! Why can't I remember that? Why do I have to convince myself to FIX MY GAZE upon Him? I need help. I am hurting. I can't force God to be my last resort; I NEED Him as my lifeline. Period. Nothing else is enough, I am not enough. When I am alone, I am not. He is not all that I have sometimes, He is all I EVER have.

Why is it so hard?

Why is doing the right thing often so hard? I struggle with it everyday, and it's not even necessarily a struggle against outrightly sinning. It's a struggle to trust God and to have faith! I DO unquestionably believe in God, but the question I face each morning is: will I trust Him today? Hebrews 11:6-"So, you see, it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that there is a God and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him." (NLT) Okay, so it's impossible to please God without faith, and I have had the first part of the equation in that verse: I believe that there is a God. . . However, this is what I always seem to trip up on: AND THAT HE REWARDS THOSE WHO SINCERELY SEEK HIM. I have to tell you that even though I know God is real, that doesn't make it easy to trust Him for everything. For instance, I know that God is calling me to trust Him for my contentment and to fulfill me, but everyday when I wake up with this fear, and this aching in my chest, I say to myself, TRUST GOD. But my temptation instead is to call someone and seek their affirmation/approval/desire to be with me. I wrestle with it often, NOT because God is not enough, but because it is hard to be faithful when it seems so easy for everyone else, and I just want someone to walk this journey with me. I want to feel alive and I want to feel loved, but it's agonizing when I don't understand what's going on. I know that I don't see the big picture and I know that God has my best in mind, it's just sometimes such a lonely journey. There are so many places of joy in my life, and blessings that God gives me, but they don't last forever, and ultimately, I can find my source of life/hope/joy/peace only in Him. I know I am not alone, but somehow this struggle is preparing me for something I can't see. I have encouraged others with this before: "there are two realities in life. There is the physical reality (the circumstances that you can see playing out everyday), and then there is the Spiritual reality (the things that are going on behind the scenes and in people's hearts and lives and beyond all that we can see or understand). The greatest reality is God's love, and even though there is a battle going on, His love and His purpose for our lives goes much deeper and further than the circumstances we see." So, this is being proven in my life today through my struggle: Rom 8:35 "Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death?36 (Even the Scriptures say, "For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.")37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away.39 Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." Thank You, Oh my Father, for giving us Your Son, and leaving Your Spirit 'til the work on Earth is done. I realize I do have all I need, my daily bread.

Same old thing

I'm tired of the same old thing... "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." This is very true, but somehow it's just not getting into our (collective) "heads" in the church. We think that by doing the same thing and saying it the same way we're going to see drastic increase and dramatic life change, but there are people walking away everyday because of the system and formula that we place the Gospel in. Helllllllooooo. . . the Gospel confounds our very formulas and the systems we are so content to keep. It blows everything away that makes sense to us, yet it works, and that is the real difference and distinguishing of a Christian. A true life marked (and YES, even marred) by the image of Christ; a very ordinary and even unimpressive life intersected with the Divine- this is what history books are written about. There is nothing more important than Jesus- that's the main thing. Let's awaken from our comfortable, safe and cautious slumber to the true call and cost of discipleship.